Sad Day

My dad passed away early this morning.  He was 66.  Sue and I were by his side.

The hospice and home care nurses really are amazing people.  They helped us out so much.

It was really hard telling Brian.  I’m glad Brandon was with me to help when we told him.

(edit:  I’m sorry, I can’t bring myself to write much more about my dad’s passing, even months later.  It’s not that it was bad, in fact, it really wasn’t.  It’s just..  Personal.  If you’ve been through this, you know, and I don’t need to say.  It feels like I’m a part of some strange sort of fraternity now.)  

 

Brian had a teacher workday today, and Brandon had already taken the day off to watch him, so after they took Kendall to school, the boys came on over.  They held things down at Sue’s house most of the day while we were out doing the needful.  Brian took a lot of random photos, as he does.  It’s neat to see things from his perspective, what he notices.  He made a paper-cutout of Steve.  Sue says it’s helpful for kids to use art to process their feelings.  I think that’s true too.

Sue and I had so much to do.  We spent much of the day making choices of flowers, caskets, vaults, picking out a plot, planning the funeral, an obituary, all the things..  At least there are lots of folks who help you through what must be done.  My dad hadn’t told us any of his wishes for these things, so we just did our best.  We continued to be a really good team, as we had been during his care, and we just agreed on everything.  (Especially on nixing that silly fish corner-ornament the guy was pushing–something felt wrong about it.)  When the director asked if we wanted folks to send flowers, or make a donation to a charitable organization in lieu of flowers, Sue said she had thought about the Autism Society of North Carolina.  I said I thought that was a wonderful idea, and we both shed some tears.  Honestly, I’ve never been so moved.  What an amazing tribute.  I couldn’t have imagined, but, it’s so perfect.  My dad and Sue were absolutely key in Brian’s early interventions.  If they hadn’t driven him to Root and back, every day for all those years..  I know he wouldn’t be where is is today.  The ASNC helped our family so much when Brian was first diagnosed, helping us learn about about what autism is, and how we can help him.   By the time we took a break to get a late lunch at Bojangles, everything was all feeling pretty surreal.  We managed to share a laugh somehow, about that ridiculous fish, and figured it out–it was the wrong kind of fish!  (Freshwater, not saltwater).  It was a bright spot in an otherwise dark day.  After our lunch, we were able to get through the rest of the choice-making.  My homework was to find some photos to represent my dad’s life.  Lucky for me, I had just scanned a batch of old photos and was able to dig some up quickly.  I’ll include some here. When we got home and I told Brandon about the donations to ASNC in lieu of flowers, he cried just as hard as I had.  We can’t imagine a better tribute.